Finding Meaningful Work for My Children as A Middle-Class Family
I was recently re-reading Teach Your Own by John Holt and A Different Kind of Teacher by John Gatto. [For those of us unfamiliar with John Holt, he was a leading author and advocate for a different way of learning for children. He’s one of the primary influencers in the unschooling approach to homeschooling. John Gatto is the former outstanding teacher from NY who won several awards and has since left the school system and is also an advocate for alternative approaches to teaching our children.]
Every time I read these books, I am able to understand and absorb more of what they mean. One key theme I get from both books is the advantage of involving and exposing children to real work. Children are incredibly smart and like to feel and know they are doing something meaningful and important. When I think of involving children in a family’s work, I think of children helping their parents on their farms and in home businesses. As I contemplate this, I get a bit antsy because it feels impossible for us to accomplish. My husband is an engineer and works for a corporation and my work as an EFT practitioner doesn’t seem conducive to involving the children. I think that maybe we can start raising chickens or some other “project” to get them involved. [I hold the ideal of a farm-based family as one I should be aspiring to, I just haven’t gotten there yet. ]
And then when I look around the house and think of my to-do list, I notice how much work I already have and the thought of another project to involve the children feels overwhelming. I am just now realizing the irony of the situation. I already have too much to do; why do I want to add another project just for the children to have something to do?
The challenge lies in accepting my life, and our life as a family, as it is. Making no excuses for how we live and the luxuries we enjoy. Part of me thinks I should be more of a natural, farm-based family. But that’s just not who I am; while I have strong beliefs about healing and spirituality and parenting and living, I am not a down-to-earth,
make-it-from-scratch, work-with-my-hands kind of person. When I
idealize those types of families, I discount my own family-life and our
flavor of living. I am realizing that I can accept my life as real and
adequate and look for ways to include the children in my life, just the way it is.
The obvious area for us to work together is around the house; however, I have a mixed view of helping with household chores. I don’t like to nag them to help with household chores - while that’s an important part of running a home, I want them to want to help, not be told. The kids rooms are a mess right now. S. asked if the dog could sleep in her room and I said it was too messy and I didn’t have time to pick it up. An hour later, S. called me up and her room was completely picked up. I was astounded, and delighted and she got what she wanted as well.
That’s what I want — a genuine desire to help out because it matters ….
We like to camp and normally my husband and I are quite busy as we set up and take down camp. My son does have a few responsibilities, he’s been chopping wood since he found an ax at the age of 6. But we don’t involve our daughters much — it’s much easier to do it ourselves than figure out to have them help. But that changed this last week. My husband broke two ribs and couldn’t help much as we packed up. We needed the children to help — and they did. It wasn’t busy work to keep them out of our hair; it was essential work needing to be done — if they didn’t help, we couldn’t get home. And they rose to the challenge and it was great.
While these are just two examples, I am excited about the possibilities
of finding ways for us to work together. It’s really a fundamental
shift. I am shifting my view of the children so that I see them as valuable and essential contributors to the family in a real way, as real people. I’m looking forward to finding ways to work together because it’s essential and fun and important and contributes to us as a family.
I’m excited about fully living our unique family life and appreciating every aspect of it, conventional or not. And I’m accepting that I will probably never live on a farm. And that’s okay …
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