I’d be willing to bet that no one feels like the proverbial watched pot as much as a full-term pregnant woman. I’m due to have my fourth baby any day now, and so the watching begins now in earnest. My friends ask politely no more than once a day how I’m feeling, my husband answers every small noise I make with a quick, knee-jerk “ya ok?”, aunts who generally wait for me to wander over to their place for a visit make sure to stop by and check in. And the strangers… they don’t even know for sure I’m due, but the look on their face says “oh, dear god please don’t pop right here in front of me!”
I have to say that my own reaction to this attention is a mixed bag. Some days I feel so grateful for every inquiry, glad to know that people around me are seeing that I am at a crossroads right now. Other days I feel like shouting out that it could still be a full four weeks before I meet this baby! I have had three previous deliveries at 16, 14 and 9 days post-term, so it’s hard to think that this baby will be any different.
In the interest of figuring out how to best handle my emotions over the next 1-30 days of being watched I opened up my childbirth books and did a bit of reading. Of course, these are books I’ve read before and things I already ‘know’ but I’m hoping to jumpstart myself into the right mindset to let this baby come out.
LET.
That was the word I found that stuck in my mind: LET.

Three babies, four pregnancies now all but completed and it had never before sunk in that perhaps I was holding up the delivery of my child. I didn’t read this in a blaming way, I don’t feel bad that my children bake a bit longer than usual, and if this one wants to as well then that is just fine. But, three books in a row that I picked off my shelf all made a small comment about mom needing to LET the baby come out. Since I was only skimming the books a bit and this jumped off the pages of all three it seems worth further thought.
What could I be doing that is holding up my imminent delivery? Here are some of the questions that I brainstormed:
Am I worried that perhaps this is my last pregnancy and I’m not sure I want to let the experience go?
Am I afraid this delivery won’t be as ‘perfect’ as my last?
Am I scared that I’ll get hit with a wallop of post partum depression?
What about my family, will my kids feel like I’m too taken with the baby?
Will my husband be happy with the changes in our life?
Each of these questions is personal and only I can answer them. The truth is, some of them I can’t even answer. What I think I can do though is face the questions with openness and honesty. So, I am turning to face you my questioning, doubting mind. I’m not going to hide from my fears and I’m not going to allow them to rule my thoughts. But I am going to give them a bit of time, let them sit with me today and let each one of them have their moment in the sun. And when I’m done I’ll look a bit deeper and see if other doubts need time too.
Then I’m going to LET them go.
~jolene

Powered by MightyAdsense