Archive for April, 2007

How to Give a Blessingway Celebration

Posted in Motherhood, Pregnancy | Monday, April 30th, 2007 | 6 Comments »

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What is a blessingway? 

There is no single answer to that question because each one is as unique as the mama and baby herself! Blessingways are better than a traditional baby shower because they speak to the heart and soul of what the mother is experiencing during her journey on her path of parenthood be this a first baby or her fifth.

 Why should I consider throwing a blessingway for a pregnant mom?  

The amount of positive energy that comes from being surrounded by friends and/or family during a blessingway is absolutely priceless to the pregnant mother- do not underestimate how much a mama will benefit from this even if it is her 2nd, 3rd or more pregnancy.
There are several websites that go deeply into the history behind a blessingway ceremony, and if you are interested in exploring these please do.  In this article though I’m going to get right to the meat of HOW to throw a blessingway in a simple, stress free format that has proven to work for me as both a giver and receiver of the blessingway gift.


Here is my simple blessingway recipe, a list of pieces that have worked well for honoring the journey of motherhood time and time again: (more…)

The Watched Pot of Pregnancy

Posted in Motherhood, Pregnancy | Monday, April 30th, 2007 | 1 Comment »

belly tight crop w shed blue.jpgI’d be willing to bet that no one feels like the proverbial watched pot as much as a full-term pregnant woman. I’m due to have my fourth baby any day now, and so the watching begins now in earnest. My friends ask politely no more than once a day how I’m feeling, my husband answers every small noise I make with a quick, knee-jerk “ya ok?”, aunts who generally wait for me to wander over to their place for a visit make sure to stop by and check in. And the strangers… they don’t even know for sure I’m due, but the look on their face says “oh, dear god please don’t pop right here in front of me!”
I have to say that my own reaction to this attention is a mixed bag. Some days I feel so grateful for every inquiry, glad to know that people around me are seeing that I am at a crossroads right now. Other days I feel like shouting out that it could still be a full four weeks before I meet this baby! I have had three previous deliveries at 16, 14 and 9 days post-term, so it’s hard to think that this baby will be any different.
In the interest of figuring out how to best handle my emotions over the next 1-30 days of being watched I opened up my childbirth books and did a bit of reading. Of course, these are books I’ve read before and things I already ‘know’ but I’m hoping to jumpstart myself into the right mindset to let this baby come out.
LET.
That was the word I found that stuck in my mind: LET.

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Sometimes You Just Have to Itch!

Posted in Motherhood, EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique | Sunday, April 29th, 2007 | No Comments »

We had windstorms last week.  Two tall forest-like pine trees fell across our driveway, blocking me and the children in and my husband out.  The trees were wrapped in woody poison ivy vines that climbed the length of the trees. The ivy had wooden branches reaching out four feet and more.  We had to cut the trees and unfortunately, despite wearing lots of layers, we ended up with a rash.  It started as a small rash …
and then …
My son and husband puffed up in their faces, eyes swollen shut.  I started with one small spot (I don’t care what the books say, you can spread it by scratching … ) and now my arms, legs, and torso are covered.  I won’t go into any more details but suffice it to say that we’ve been miserable.

 

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Where’s my Village?

Posted in Motherhood, Parenting Twins | Friday, April 27th, 2007 | 3 Comments »

I don’t know who takes credit for the term “It takes a village to raise a child,” but it surely wasn’t said by anyone in this country, in this generation.
            I KNOW it takes a village to raise a child. Believe me. When it’s four o’clock in the afternoon and both twins are sure it’s mama-hold-me time and the supper needs cooking and the four-year-old is asking for a story, it’s then I know that I’m not supposed to be doing this by myself.
            And I’m relatively lucky. My husband works at home three days a week, and while I can’t pass a screaming baby to him on a regular basis, he can help me out of the really tough spots. And still, we struggle. We lose our tempers, we get tired, we get frustrated, often at the same time, and we know we’re not supposed to, because we’re the Mama and the Da and there’s no one else here.
            I remember when I left college I was bound and determined to settle down ANYWHERE but where I grew up. This annoyed my husband, because where I grew up (the Albany, NY area) is a well-rounded sort of place, city and country in relatively close proximity. But I was tired of, and afraid of, going back. I’d found a new person in me while away at college, and I was so worried about the old, insecure, gullible me coming back. Going back to my childhood place where I was those things seemed to be foolishly tempting fate. (more…)

My 7-Year Old Can’t Parent

Posted in Motherhood, EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique | Saturday, April 21st, 2007 | No Comments »

Each of us has many aspects to us.  One part of us is the cool, calm, competent adult.  One part of us is the playful, energetic child.  One part of us is the wounded, wanting to be loved child.  One part of us is the wise, complete soulful voice.  There are many more parts and depending on our own development, some parts are more hidden than others.
 

I recently was feeling out of sorts and anxious.  I wasn’t able to connect and re-center so I talked with one of my coaches.  What we discovered is that the desperate part of me (which was a very young part of me) was trying to run things.  The desperate part of me was getting frustrated and irritated with my children. And no wonder, the desperate part of me was a 7 year old.  Imagine a 7 year old trying to run a household and manage three children — it doesn’t work.
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Twin Pregnancy: What The Books Are Afraid To Tell You

Posted in Motherhood, Parenting Twins | Thursday, April 19th, 2007 | No Comments »

When we made our third and last attempt to become pregnant by way of in vitro fertilization, twins were a possibility only in a vague way, the way you know it’s a possibility that you’ll win the lottery. When the first four-week ultrasound revealed our two little kidney beans, we responded to our jackpot by wandering in a blur of numb shock for several weeks, followed by a period of sheer panic—how do we do this pregnancy??? I’d already had a baby, but for this, I assumed there would be information out there to help me manage a double.

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Reach Out and Touch Someone

Posted in Uncategorized, Motherhood | Monday, April 16th, 2007 | No Comments »

At the birth process workshop I attended a few weeks ago, a key theme was the concept of getting support.   If the parents are under-supported, then parenting becomes an over-whelming experience.  With support, parenting is transformed into the magical experience that we all crave.   I’ve experienced the state of overwhelm all too many times.  What I didn’t know was how to better get support and what that support looks like.
 In the workshop, we had many chances to practice asking for and receiving support in both a physical and emotional manner.
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Committing to Myself

Posted in Motherhood, Parenting Twins | Thursday, April 12th, 2007 | No Comments »

Once upon a time, I was a writer. I even defined myself that way, and though I did it professionally for all of two months (hated it), I continued journaling and writing with my English classes semi-regularly. That is, until I had children, when writing plummeted  on the list of  priorities, and now I can’t remember the last time I wrote anything more than a grocery list.

So when my lovely friend invited me to write a blog chronicling my experiences as a twin mom on her website, I was flattered, but intimidated. I’m just so rusty, and the writing would be so public.

            But I really HAD to do it. My life has been devoid of moments dedicated to my personal growth for almost two years. I devoted nine months of my life to keeping my babies and myself healthy during my pregnancy (a full-time job), and the past nine months have been all mama, all the time. My activities during the first six months are particularly easy to summarize: feed self, nurse babies, feed child, change babies, feed self, nurse babies, feed child, change babies …  I think you can fill in the rest. I don’t regret a single second of this life, and I’m not resentful of what is required of me, despite what my concerned family may assume. “Are you still nursing those babies?” asks my dad, his brow wrinkling in annoyance and concern. “Why not bottle feed so that someone else can take care of them? You deserve time to yourself!” Yes, I do, but I’m only willing to go so far in pursuit of that time. Some things are non-negotiable.  But the babies are older now and I needed something else, so I decided to commit to producing one post per week       

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The Twin Experience: Welcome to the World

Posted in Motherhood, Parenting Twins | Sunday, April 8th, 2007 | 1 Comment »

Suddenly, we’re celebrities.

            One of my oldest friends, who astonishingly had identical twin girls almost exactly one year before I birthed my boy/girl twins, told me it was going to happen. You step into the world with your double stroller and super deluxe backpack-slash-diaper bag and your four-year old and your two babies and all the world turns to look at you. It’s quite lovely most of the time, especially when we’ve been stuck in the house for a week with coughs and colds, or maybe an entire month (don’t ask me about March), and when you go outside, people just line up to coo and burble and admire my children. They all want to interact with our miraculous family, and they all have something to say! It’s probably exactly a 50-50 split between the people who say “God bless you,” as in, God has blessed us, versus those who say “God bless you,” as in, better you than me.

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Me As Mama?

Posted in Motherhood | Friday, April 6th, 2007 | 1 Comment »

Eight years into Mamahood and still wondering what the plan is.  I have said many times to myself that this is the greatest challenge I will be presented with this go around.  Knowing and believing that I am where I chose to be, as are my children, makes it much easier to accept on those days…those days that I fail to do my personal best for my girls.
 

Who knew that this life experience would take me down so many paths that I am not prepared to walk.  I suppose if I spent more of my pre-Mama life wondering about these things I would not be so continuously shocked.  The shock is not about my children; they do and live what and who they are…true to themselves.  The shock is, not knowing everything about MYSELF.
 

Then of course, the level of disappointment I have been placing on myself lately makes these shocking moments last longer, and then the lingering in the guilt for the actions I just took, etc, etc, etc.  A very tiring and fruitless path to choose, I know.  Now, being aware of choice and choosing incorrectly is aggravating at best, choosing incorrectly over and over because it is some sort of default mode seriously angers me.

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